Authentically Flawed

Have you ever looked at someone successful, someone you admire, and felt envious of their position in life? I just finished The Return by Nicholas Sparks and on the jacket there was an excerpt about his career – 100 million copies of his books sold worldwide. 100 million. I have spent years working on one book, and I don’t know if I’ll sell more than the 10 copies my family has committed to purchase. Therein lies the problem with looking at someone else’s success: it can be paralyzing. How can I measure up to 100 million copies? I don’t even have 1,000 followers on social media. I confront this fear every time I open my laptop to work on my blog, and every time I look at the outline for my book. The reality is, I don’t know anything about Mr. Sparks’ journey to that level; and this is the key problem with comparing ourselves to others.

I have on occasion looked my circle of friends and been envious of the ones that have things in life I want; bigger houses than me, nicer cars, more money to travel, more followers on social media, better bodies, you name it. And social media makes it easy to be confronted with that information, all you have to do is pick up your phone and there’s likely a notification alerting you that so and so posted a new photo of their vacation in Greece. It’s not a fair representation though, because at any given moment, you have no idea what’s really going on in their lives. What are they struggling with today? What arguments did they have with their families? What self-doubts are they experiencing at the very moment that you’re coveting their success?

It’s in these moments that I have to consciously remind myself that the only person I have a right to compare myself to is the person I was yesterday. Repeat: the only person I have a right to compare myself to is the person I was yesterday. I am not who I was ten years ago, five years ago, two years ago, last year. And I’m so grateful for that. I needed to struggle in the ways I did in order to be grateful for the moment that I’m living today. I needed to be poor and struggling financially, not only to learn how to do better, but to appreciate the hell out of what I have and not take for granted how I got it. I needed to endure toxic relationships to learn who I was, what I was made of, and how to walk away from relationships (romantic and platonic) that don’t enrich my spirit and my goals. I needed to be almost broken emotionally so that when things get hard, I can look back on my life and say confidently “I can endure this”. I went through a particularly hard time several years ago, and many people told me “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”. I remember thinking “me and God need to have a serious heart to heart about his/her perception of what I can handle, cause whew…I don’t know if I’ve got this.” But I did. And I’m here. And whether I sell 10, 10 million, or 100 million copies of my book, I will be here, standing in the greatness I’ve already achieved.

I’m learning gratitude is an amazing thing. It’s free, and it doesn’t have to be grand. Be grateful for the little things, even when…especially when times are hard. Covid, the racial unrest in our country, and the election are all valid reasons to be in some kind of emotional turmoil. The vitriol online further compromises our already delicate psyches in these hard times. I encourage you to do two things. First, don’t compare yourself to anyone else; you have no idea what burden they’re carrying, and it could be a load you wouldn’t want to bear. Instead, when you see people achieving the things you want, take a moment to wish them continued success, even if only silently to yourself. You have no idea the impact positive thoughts can have on your own mood. I’m saying this as someone who used to cuss people out when they gave me this same advice, so trust me…try it. If it doesn’t work, check your authenticity; if you don’t mean it, it doesn’t work. Second, be deliberately grateful. This is hard y’all. I have days where I have to dig deeeeeep for something to be grateful for, but it’s in those days that I find the purest form of gratitude, because I end up focusing on the most fundamental parts of being human: I am living. I am healthy. I am loved. I am enough. Be well fam.